as you are...

I love to love you
...and your ways.
Your lies
Flaws and the tales you tell.
It feels almost like we've been apart too long.
You know,you sitting there and me looking at you
You fidgeting and me reading between the lines.
It feels warm in this room
Then cold...
And all these little things you price highly and sell
These little things that choke you like a bag of stifled emotions.
Try not to forget I've been here
Try not to forget I've loved you through it all.
Try not to forget that I love you,
...and your ways
Your lies.
Flaws and the tales you tell.

the difficulty that is us

She found safety in the numbers that were your words
Drifting in and out of consciousness...
On a high that was your love.
She longed
She lived
She hang onto the itty bitty ropes in promises you threw her.
" I don't know how not to love,
  How not to feel
  How not to be engorged in entire bliss"
She sang to you
Her feelings a little like math
Difficult to comprehend,to calculate...
To find an actual solution to.
But you liked...
And you "thought" you loved
And you drowned her songs in nothingness.
So now I sit and watch her become a shell
Empty and abandoned on a beach
No one,nothing to live in her
No bliss,
No songs,
No soul within us.
The difficulty that is us...

dreams of grandeur

I've had dreams of grandeur
Grand castles built on shifting sand
Promises of kingdoms at my feet
And instead my heart at yours.
I've had vivid dreams of arch's and spaces
Great hallways and halls lined with the things I desire
Instead,you,dear world saw it fit to to give me picture less frames
To give me empty bowls to fill me up
A tea cup of water to cleanse my soiled conscience.
I had dreams of grandeur...
Solid,rich ,delicious visions of what I thought I knew I wanted
Of what I knew I thought I needed
Now they sit at the bottom of this murky pool
Glorious and glowing,
Inviting me in with no way to reach them.
Nothing to bait them but what I thought I had known I wanted.

lost and found

I ran circles round a place I called home
Built bridges and laid foundations.
I ran circles round sandy dunes and lost my way...
The wind too strong,
My steps too light.
I sought broken pieces of time
Of sanity.
I sought love
I sought light
I found instead scattered pieces of my peace of mind.
I found instead renewed strength...
I found instead stability and devotion.
..I left my heart on the shifting dunes,
Imprinted and raw on the wet shores.
No longer longing to be loved
No longer needing to belong.
I left my heart beating on the shifting dunes
And carried the waves and sunlight home instead.

home sweet home

Cover me up
Carry me home.
Show me the road as it lay
The bits of gravel as they were
And the dust that is now.
Colour me up
Carry me home.
Are the buildings just as they were?
Colour and grace and madness
And strength and gusto
Enveloped in magic,all from afar
Or has the glow ceased to be
No more pixie dust
No more chiseled strong stone...
Build me up
Please carry me home.
To the softness and safety of the rugged corners
To the warmth of my cold floor
To the dampness and suffocating happiness of the love around me
Cover me up
And carry me home

the worst in words

Give it to me.
Lay your words on me
Let me feast on your kind and unkind
Devour,divide and conquer...
Hand your lies to me
Silver platter,your best China
Dash of malice,slice of happy then sad.
Count me in
Let's dish on your pools of colourful tales
Dirty,murky,muddy waters in which your truths swim
Your words feed me
Fill me up
Tear me up
Build me down
Make any sense?
Let me feast on your kind and unkind
Lay your words on me.

my kind of kind.

Pain is kind.
Kind,kind,kind...
Selfless in it's giving and inflicting and emotional disarmament
In it's Silent creeping in and out of chambers of the heart,tear ducts,fists and fake smiles.
So loyal it wouldnt let you go if you begged
Wouldn't dessert you if you ran.
Stuck to you
White and rice.
In awe with the ways in which pain keeps me warm
Pain draws me to the flame
The lonely moth in me.
Till my wing tips zing in the blue,the red and the yellow
And my body feels too heavy to carry around.
Lugging,panting, dragging myself to the open arms of my kind oppressor
Pain is seasonal in it's affliction but loves you enough to be permanent in its dents...
In it's bruises and mutilation
In it's ever present impulses.
In it's smile and its laughter
In its pieceing of your heart the absolute wrong way,
In it's freedom and its valour
In it's sacrifice today for an even bigger loss tomorrow.
In love with the math around it.
The ones and two's that total up to nothing.
The total chemistry behind this emotion
Pain is kind.
Kind,kind,kind.